I put a lot of effort into the application, polishing, reworking, tightening, and getting it to where I really believed I had done my best.
But someone else got the grant. And that’s life I guess. I still have plenty of writing jobs to do, but during the time I was waiting to learn about the grant, I put my creative writing life on hold completely. Normally I have a novel or a short story collection brewing, but since spring of 2016 when my last short story collection came out: nothing. I’ve done other creative things: home improvements, sewing, updating the music playlists I work by …
Now that I know I didn’t get the grant, I think I’m ready to send a bucket down into that creative well and see if I bring up something cold and fresh. A tiny voice in my head has said a couple of times, “You know, you could write the book anyway, without the grant.” It’s a possibility, and it’s something different from anything I’ve tackled before.
I don’t want my creativity to stand up too suddenly and fall over from hypotension after lying flat for so long. But it’s time. Being a writer means you’re always moving on. Moving on from an assignment, a client, a project, or a missed opportunity. Might as well do this. Make a leap and then look around and see where I am.